A run thru the woods.

I knew that minute that the tires hit the stone that I was in trouble. I heard the passenger door open. My body tingled and burned and my mouth went dry. A few years earlier I had been sent all over the north east to try to figure out why I would faint and had irregular bp and heart rates. It came back from the doctors at the Children's Hospital - Harvard that I had a rare syndrome where I have allergic like response to my own adrenaline. SO I'm blessed at this point that I didn't do what I usually do and faint. Instead I ran- I ran as fast as I could. To this date I know it was God who was moving my legs because all I could think of is that rape was sure to come.

I went down into the ditch and across a field that they had cleared for a new housing development. When the passenger seen that I was going into the field he got back in the car and they proceeded to drive after me. Screaming and laughing. This was a game a hunt for them. I had one thing going for me. I know this land I know the Forest and line of trees that have been my refuge as a child so I ran -ran to them. I'm not sure at what point they turned the car out of the lots that they were clearing. I was to scared to turn back. I prayed and ran and cried. Tears no screams. No voice.

It took what seemed like hours to get home - it was more like minutes. My Dad was working in the backyard and seen me running up thru the fields and knew I had taken the road. I made it to my porch - my front door. Then right there once I knew I was safe I screamed a license plate number and dropped to the floor. I crawled commando style thru the house yelling for my mom.I will never forget the look on my moms face. My face, hands, chest, and legs all covered with blood but I wasn't even aware of it - had no idea - no pain. I had ran thru tree limbs and a barbed wire fence and had no clue.

My father jumps into his truck to see if he can find the car that I described and my mom calls the police. As I sit there alone I finally see the passenger's face. It was a look of hate and anger. What had I done to make him want to hurt me.?Wrong place - wrong time? I'm thankful that the day ended as it did. The police came and made a report. But why did this happen to me? It seems that I am often a target of men's anger. Even till this date. It makes you wonder if it's a trait that you are born with. A personality flaw?

It wasn't until 2 weeks later that 2 other girls in my area went missing - one found raped and killed and the other one found dead a few years later that the police came back to revisit my case since the time and vehicles were similar. All the details were foggy then. Locked away deep in my brain that only like to come out at night.

I was lucky and God wasn't finished with me yet.

I tell you this story because it's the beginning of how my story book childhood went astray. I think that night was the first night that the nightmares began and sleeping pills came into the picture. 18 years later I still have to take Ambien 2-3 a night topped with 2-3 zanax. I sleep very few hours and when I do sleep it's with a light on and wake up screaming. I cry in my sleep which usually sends my husband sleeping in another room. To sleep one good nights sleep would be one of the greatest things. No dreams just sleep- secure. Will that ever happen? Probably not till that day I'm wrapped in Jesus's arms safe from anger, hate, and violence.

I have a scar from the fence. It's my lucky scar. The other two girls weren't as lucky. I'm thankful for the scar. I used to cover it up with makeup. I don't anymore. It's my battle would- a battle that I physically won and I owe to the other two girls to live my life and try to do good things with the the gifts that God gave me. He gave me a gift to smile, to give with an open heart, live and to love people and I wasn't going to let their evil and their anger take my happiness and God's original plan away.

Austin always touches it. Wonder whats it from -Children have away of knowing things - I tell him its a reminder of how much God loves me and how he meant for him to be able to touch it and ask about it.